Betcha didn't know Stock Island is bereft of zoning. Or sewers, fire-rescue service and rational human leaders like Jimmy Weekley who don't take orders from a mothership.
These are a few of the things that Key West Mayor Weekley would like to offer the underprivileged 2700 residents of Stock Island, along with the opportunity to be annexed by Key West.
Yet to be decided: whether Key West residents will pay for sewers, police substations and sidewalks, or whether the new City residents will be persuaded to cough up the money. Your guess is as good as mine.
Weekley was heated in his reaction to a letter from former mayor Sheila Mullins It was read into the record by the City Clerk. (Mullins had rushed to the hospital bed of a sick friend.)
In her letter, Mullins called the Stock Island annexation move spearheaded by Weekley a "hostile takeover" prompted by "development interests" seeking to foil Key West's current growth limitations.
She wrote, "It is particularly ironic that the City is making its move on Stock Island at the same time that the rest of the county is moving toward incorporation. Incorporation is a move toward more independence and personal responsibility. Annexation is what Hitler did to Poland."
"Was that a serious letter?" began Weekley, to the audible sniggering of another Commissioner. "The residents of Poland did not have the opportunity to vote. It was a takeover. The law of this country allows the voters of Stock Island to vote on their own destiny. It will be their own decision."
Of course. The operative word here is "allows."
The law "allowed" the residents of Monroe County to vote against the US Department of Commerce's takeover of 2800 square miles of Keys waters. But it did not allow the decision of 54 percent to prevail: it gave the feds a National Marine Sanctuary anyway, explaining that the residents' referendum was merely a formality, a "non-binding, a straw vote," a nicety they allowed us out of the kindness of their hearts.
Did the State of Florida back Keys residents against the feds? No. It wanted that federal candy, the coastal management money to use in other parts of the state where most Florida voters live. When we give away our power locally, we lose it at all levels.
Weekley went on about Mullins' letter: "I don't know where this is coming from . . . This is more of that stuff about developers and everyone . . . sitting around off a spaceship trying to think what the worst scenarios would be. We need to get down to true facts and the issue before us . . ."
He said articles he had read in the papers and on the Internet were apparently bent on causing "fear without any foundation to anything they're saying. As a former elected official she (Mullins) knows that zoning laws will be made out there. There will be a whole planning opportunity out there . . . Enough said."
Gee, after co-owning a trailer park on Stock Island—with its own sewer plant since the 1960s, long before the City began treating its wastewater!—I still had no idea there was no zoning . . . and that all good zoning and sewer treatment emanates from the City of Key West!
Weekley had another "conniption" when his former co-Commissioner George Halloran—speaking on behalf of the political action committee Last Stand—again insinuated that "development" interests might be sponsoring the bid for annexation. Halloran said his group was concerned that people hired to do the annexation study might have a hidden interest in the outcome. He suggested it had happened before.
"Last Stand has some of the resources to help you people produce an RFP (request for proposals) for consultants, and do some of the short-listing of any candidates. We would also be happy to serve on any committee," he said.
To provide adequate disinterestedness, as only a got-miner anti-tourist group can, I must assume.
Weekley snapped at Halloran's use of "you people".
"Who are `you people'? Who are you talking to?"
He said Halloran's use of it was "degrading. I am offended by it." (Apparently "Your Graces" would be more acceptable.)
"Jimmy, we know each other here. We are all people—what are you getting at?" said a baffled Halloran.
We people should be addressed as "the Commission" or "City Staff," Weekley generously instructed.
(From my perspective, Halloran's sin was not his use of"you people" but that of calling a seated Commissioner by his first name, "Jimmy."
You see, Key West mayors and commissioners can call all constituents, City staff and consultants by their first names—i.e., "Barbara," or "Hal." However nobody is allowed to call them anything except "Sir," "Commissioner," or "Mr. Weekley," even though they may have gone to fifth grade with them, unstopped their toilet last week or are in the process of defending them against charges of gross incompetence.")
Later in the evening, the irrepressible George Maurer raised Weekley's ire once again when he rose to the podium to address the Commission under the new pre-adjournment category labeled "Citizens Comments (three minutes)."
Maurer, speaking on an earlier subject, had quoted Commissioner Carmen Turner as having said something which she then denied saying: "Please do not create quotes for me."
Now as Maurer began, "With reference to Commissioner Turner—" Weekley leaped to cut him off.
"I'll not allow any personal attacks!" Weekley fumed. He went on to list permissible subjects of citizen appeal: "the chicken problem, cats, lights, sidewalk repairs . . ."
"Mr. Mayor, I would hope that you would give me the same respect I give you," said Maurer. "I was only about to apologize if my Turner quote," gleaned from a daily paper, "was inaccurate." (Turner received his semi-apology by shooting him what we in Hawaii called "stink-eye.")
Maurer finished up: "I should hope this forum would allow citizens to express themselves on issues about which they feel strongly, and not be circumscribed by parameters which are being developed daily" by those in power, he left unsaid.
Nicely said, George. May I call you George? Would I instead be compelled to call you Mr. Maurer, or Sir, or Mayor, had you won your bid for the mayor's seat against Weekley—and against former mayor Mullins, who also wielded a pretty mean gavel?
Nicely said. But "Mr Mayoral Candidate" George, good buddy, if you don;t want trouble, you should learn to genuflect a little before you address the Commission.
PS: The cable coverage was superlative this time. Although I was in Chambers at the meeting, I was able to double my enjoyment of the meeting the next day by reviewing my videotape, which included timely closeups of Commissioners making snooty faces. Kudos to the AT&T cameraman!
EDITOR"S NOTE: This is probably not a good week to try to pick up Key West The Newspaper at our distribution box outside Fausto's on Fleming Street. Everytime we publish something critical about Jimmy Weekly, whose family owns Fausto's, all of our papers seem to disappear from that box. Go figure.